Chapter 10: The Return to the Limit (Final Reflection)

After the intense calm with the veterans, something inside me said enough. The cycle didn't need a final explosion; it needed silence. I stayed in my Gracia apartment for an entire night, alone, with the lights low, a bottle of water, and my body still remembering echoes of everything I had experienced. I lay naked in bed, as I had many times after a session, but this time without recent pain to soothe. Just memories. And for the first time in months, I let them speak without interruptions.

I remembered the beginning: that public bath in "El Sótano", kneeling before Iván, swallowing semen while the door could open at any moment. That's where the spark was born. Then came the fever of flavors: cocks from all continents in my mouth, as if collecting nationalities could fill the void that Carlos left when he went away. I got excited about the variety, but I also lied to myself: I believed it was cultural curiosity when in reality it was a flight from intimacy.

The golden showers with Sergio in the shopping center were the first dose of reality. Feeling the hot stream on my face, swallowing sweet fruit flavors and bitter beer flavors while hearing voices meters away... that showed me that public humiliation didn't destroy me; it made me feel invincible in my secret. It was my way of rebelling against the education that taught me to hide my desire.

Raúl's fist really opened me up, not just my ass, but something deeper. The pain that turned into pleasure, the stretching that forced me to trust blindly... that's when I understood that submission is not weakness; it's courage. Physically opening up helped me to emotionally open up, to release the control that I clung to so much in everyday life.

The threesome with David and Miguel touched old wounds: the marital roleplay allowed me to play with forbidden family dynamics without it really hurting. I was the desired intruder, the lover who broke the routine but was welcome. I healed a bit from the rejection of my own family by feeling accepted in theirs, even if it was just for a few hours.

The night of strangers in absolute darkness was the lowest and highest point: nameless bodies, faceless cocks, pure pleasure without connection. I came like never before, but when I left, I felt emptier than ever. I learned that anonymity is a powerful escape, but it leaves an emotional hangover.

I went back to group golden showers, seeking that chemical connection that only comes from drinking another's essence. Each flavor – sweet, bitter, salty – was a different emotion, a molecular bridge to them. I felt possessed, marked from the inside.

The adrenaline in the truck with Ramón was pure drug: sucking while the world passed by at 120 km/h, the fear of an accident or a police siren multiplying each lick. That's when I saw clearly that public risk reinforces my submissive identity: I'm not passive because of weakness, I'm active in my surrender to da...