Utopia or panacea

Utopia or panacea

I perfectly know what I want to appear in my life now, but it doesn't cross my path, or it doesn't exist. It's complicated, but with one person, it's enough for me.

I want a guy who knows what he likes, who doesn't hesitate when choosing, and who fights for what he wants. A man who enjoys life and is caring.

I want to see him arrive and can't help but think he's perfect, and laugh at his flaws. That we laugh at our flaws. That he knows how to understand the moment and responds in his own way, being present.

I want him to love life and selflessly rejoice in the good things that happen to others.

I want him to give himself decisively and freely. That his eyes sparkle with excitement for everything he's passionate about, also for seeing me. That he enjoys taking care of and pampering, even if he's rejected for being too clingy. I want him to deeply feel that he doesn't need anything more, convinced. That he feels he doesn't need more because that's what makes him happy. In a true and sincere surrender. I want him to respect that intimacy belongs to both of us and is sacred. That he feels his body is a temple and wants me to have that key, proudly.

I want him to participate sexually in my possessive conception of sex. I want him to enjoy giving himself, to enjoy being a toy, being part of something sacred, respecting it and taking care of it. With desire and admiration. That he feels when I enter him, we are one.

I want him to respect himself and have always respected himself. That he has always needed to choose and feel chosen. I want to feel like a team, feel that even if we separate, we are one. That he won't let go of my hand. That we make the world small and make it spin.

We all know that if he crosses my path, he will be mine. And if not, I will be alone, because I won't settle for less.